“To be disgraced in the eye of the world, to wear the appearance of infamy while her heart is all purity, her actions all innocence, and the misconduct of another the true source of her debasement, is one of those circumstances which peculiarly belong to the heroines’s life, and her fortitude under it what particularly dignifies her character.” – Northanger Abbey
I am sitting at my desk, Jane Austen’s book, “Northanger Abbey,” lies open in front of me – I am currently in Chapter 9. This will be my first time not only to read through this book but it is the first time that I’ve written anything or looked at my blog since I’ve been home almost a whole week, give or take a few hours.
Okay I lied – I wrote a “novel” on a birthday card to my brother two nights ago and wrote on my hand church notes for today’s message – then proceeded to fall asleep reading on my bed only to wake up with the mirror image of the word “Ransom” in smudged ink on the temple of my head. I don’t know about you but I definitely had a quick flashback to the movie scene in “Never Been Kissed” with Drew Barrymore. At least mine wasn’t humiliating – so there’s progress for me.
So here I am, famously drinking my diet cherry Pepsi and trying to be inspired by Jane Austen.
It is not that I don’t wish to write or haven’t had anything to say. On the contrary, I’ve been trying to sort through my feelings and life since I landed at DFW last Sunday night – the flight isn’t the only thing that’s been turbulent this week. Let me just maybe point out the obvious that I feel just needs to be stated again: Coming home to Texas after being in Washington, D.C. for three months of your life – very much is an experience of whiplash. I’ve changed and grown in so many things and see things more clearly and at a different, fresher perspective than I did before leaving. Texas too, has changed as far as “friends” and dynamics and the general layout as new changes, even as little as road construction, have been made.
I had my lake party yesterday! It definitely had its moments of hilarity as some of the guys wiped out on the tube and as everyone was greatly entertained by my squealing when it came to my turn on the tube. But I would have to say the events of yesterday were overall more interesting than entertaining. All I can say is that more people need to have more respect and a sense of time and propriety in their actions and in their words (gossip – tsk tsk). On the morning of my party, a pretty awesome, wise man told me in a text: Make sure you determine who you’ll know for the longturn and really bond with – it’s key.
At first I thought nothing of it, although I was pretty sure I understood what it meant and that I was confindent in who I knew I’d know for the “longturn.” Yesterday, as they predicted, was a day for determining that very thing.
I don’t know if you’ll understand this, but I’m going to try to lay it out as simply as possible: I never lose sight of who I am and what goal God has me striving towards, I just feel lost as to where I fit and belong with the many changing stages of life and backgrounds. Maybe that’s part of the Christian life – we are sojouners and it helps us not to lose sight of or lose our dependence on Jesus Christ. “You can have the world, just give me Jesus,” sang one of the older men at my parent’s church today. May that be our cry and prayer – Give me Jesus.
I continue to look for an apartment to sublet for my last semester at SMU – wow – can’t believe I graduate come December. I do praise God that I was able to so easily and quickly find a part-time job with one of my favorite professors, Camille Kraeplin, a tenured professor in the journalism department. It will be half research (need more of that kind of skill building) and half baby-sitting – which her boys are both over 11 years old, so I think I’m pretty capable at handling men…haha….after all I do have a younger brother. Might have to call my roomie, Michal, for advice at times…yeah…haha. I’ll be job hunting this semester for jobs in D.C. and in Dallas. I’m not anxious about it knowing the Lord has always guided my feet. My back-up plan is a paid internship through Young America Foundation in Santa Barbara, Ca. for three months in the spring. It’s a local paper, which used to be owned by the NY Times and is associated with the Reagan Ranch.
Well, that’s all I have time for this evening – my mom is beckoning me to come hither and watch “When in Rome” with her and I need to help prepare for Haden’s belated birthday dinner – yum!